Monday, January 12, 2009

I am so very passive-agressive

When I was younger I always thought there would be some point in our lives when we would be officially out from under our parents' wings, and control. That someday we'd be part of the "adult table" and no longer subject to the judgment cast by an authority figure. But as we've gotten old, and officially adult in the sense that we pay for our own food and live under our own roof, we've discovered (as you may have expected) that this is not actually the case. That being 30 or so (give or take a few) and having a job and all of the things that go with that phase of life still doesn't take us out from under the judgmental stares of our parental units.

I would like to ask them why they think that at this point in our lives we're willing to change who we've decided we will be. Why they think that commenting on our weight is any more useful than commenting on our acne when we were teenagers - do they think that we haven't noticed? That we aren't working on these things? We're 30 (give or take), and I would have hoped that by now our parents would have been able to let go a little, and realize the difference between useful advice and non-constructive criticism. Because all that does is make us want to visit less frequently.

It's not that we don't appreciate concern, or enjoy spending time with family. Otherwise their comments wouldn't carry the weight that they do and end up making us feel shitty about ourselves for no good reason. But if they aren't happy with who we are at this point, well, sorry charlie, not much you can do about it now except decide whether that means we don't get Christmas presents next year. That's your right; you can support us or not, but you don't get to tell us who we're going to be.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sometimes one must just duck and cover.