Sunday, February 22, 2009

creating a monster

This weekend I noticed something - I had some free time yesterday, in the sense that I could spend a few hours doing something non-work-related without paying for it almost immediately. Yet I felt listless and tired and didn't really feel like doing anything at all. I considered doing some grading, but then a voice inside my head said, "Don't bother, you don't need to hand those papers back until Monday!" And I realized that working in academia is already turning me into the very person who always drove me crazy, the one who never met deadlines or did anything ahead of schedule --- I'm becoming someone who only works when there's an immediate and pressing need to do so!

Shit.

How did this happen!? I was so good, at least during the last year and a half or so of my PhD, at working regularly without the motivation of a looming deadline. People who put me off until the last minute drove me crazy. I liked being done ahead of schedule. And now I have an extra day to get ahead, maybe to work on a few future lectures or get some writing done, and instead my first thought is, "I have over 24 hours until this actually becomes essential! I don't have to do jack shit today!"

This will require a change in mindset. I refuse to become that person.

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