Wednesday, November 4, 2009

things I don't get to say out loud

To my students:

- "I have to be somewhere" is not a valid excuse DURING the designated lab hours. You do have to be somewhere, but you're already here, so suck it and do the work.

- I'm more than happy to write you letters of recommendation...though you might want to think about coming to the lectures if you want me to say anything good about you.

- When I tell you to "dress appropriately" for outdoor work in November, that does not mean flip flops and soccer shorts, and you therefore do not get to whine about the cold.

- The fact that you asked me about the paper topic three days before the due date does not give me hope for your future.

- Handing in the exact same thing for two different drafts of a paper is not ok, particularly when you basically plagiarized the first time.

To my various colleagues:

- You take things far too personally, and you need to get over yourself.

- Please don't drag me into your research agenda for my expertise just to pretend that you know what you're doing, thus embarrassing both of us in front of people who actually do know what they're doing.

- Why does tenure turn reasonable people into crazy people? WHY?

To various strangers:

- Please don't work out in clothing that hasn't been washed in years. I don't care if that smell is moth balls or sweat, it needs to move farther away from me.

- I hate you when you drive around with your loud car stereo. I also hate you when you honk for no damned reason. Knock it off.

- Christmas is still two months away. Do you really need to put up giant inflatable snow globes right now?

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