Monday, October 4, 2010

the on-campus interview

My annoyingly endless search committee assignment, as you may have guessed, goes on...primarily due to an inability to find someone we want to hire after the person we tried to hire backed out. I get the feeling that many of these people never do that "what not to do on a campus interview" google search - and they should. Oh, they should.

I would like to just state for the record: people, we really want to be able to hire you and be done with this nonsense. You looked good on paper, or we wouldn't have invited you to campus. You were even good on the phone, or, again, you wouldn't be here. Just don't fuck it up and you may get a job. The following should not be earth-shattering suggestions, but sadly, they seem to be necessary.

- Don't get tipsy, much less drunk, even if other members of the committee may be having another beer.
- Don't focus all your attention on the perks of faculty status (the gym, the free football games, term breaks) and ask nothing at all about our students, research support, etc.
- Don't get too friendly. This includes making attempts at "hip" handshakes when we say goodbye as well as telling us too much about your personal life.
- Don't say anything that could even be misconstrued as "bashing" anyone, no matter what your opinion may be regarding the political or other leanings of this institution.
- Don't assume you have allies. You probably don't.
- If you aren't being asked to give a separate teaching demo, keep in mind that your job talk is all we have to determine how you would handle a classroom. Actions speak louder than words.

I hope the rest of you jokers on the list get your act together before you show up. I have other crap to do, people. Please let us hire you.

1 comment:

Dr. Cynicism said...

Hahaha! Excellent points! It's sad when the panel agrees that a candidate was great simply because they didn't fuck it up. Whatever happened to being wow'd by an applicant?